The Fevers...

First, before I start, let me get this out:

I heard she was dating a married man. Might have been awhile ago, but he was married nonetheless.

Okay, got that out the way. Well, another Valentine's Day has passed and I am single, just going day to day. I like it--the single life took awhile to get used to, but I am enjoying myself nonetheless. In fact, I didn't even notice that the holiday had passed. Instead, I was at the library getting ready for the second round of Moot Court, getting my 1L colleagues in order, researching for the judge, and discussing how fly Michelle Obama is. Ha, exciting. I know.

The problem is, I am too busy to be in a relationship. I have difficulty finding "me" things to do outside of school work (i.e., cleaning my house, fixing myself dinner, etc.). However, it does not mean that I don't miss the companionship of a woman. I miss the dreaming, the feeling that things are going to go well--the optimism of being with someone; the fact that you could possibly share your life with that person for the duration of your time on Earth. But then reality sets in...I've changed. I am a bit more cynical about the process of loving.

I many respects I've adopted the very attitude I despise. I have never understood the "I don't need a woman [or man] because I am doing my thing" attitude. That's bullshit. Instead, I have always viewed those people as having the "I am really too proud to say I need a woman [or man], but if the right one comes along, I ain't going to just say no" attitude. But given my workload, my innate ability to stress over the minor, and the fact that law school (and the folks in it) make me increasingly crabby and reclusive, should I expect a woman to be with me right now? Perhaps, the attitude of "I don't need a woman..." is the better option. But we all yearn for companionship, someone to enjoy the highs and suffer through the lows with. I think I am no exception.

In sum, it's probably best to be alone. The stress of a relationship while in law school is something I can't handle. If anything, law school has made me less sensitive, less empathic, and more of a realist. I am no longer the idealistic fantasy lover of the past. Right now, I only care about myself and my career and I think it is blatantly wrong to have someone suffer through that. However, the inevitable tension is that I would like to love again without having to go through all the stress of a functional relationship. Again, this seems more like a day-to-day situation, with no apparent resolution in sight. Alas, patience, my friend, is the operative word.

On second thought, I could just always get a dog.