The Over Under: Old Folks And The Bar Scene.

Chilling at the bar with my best friend from the law school, his fiance, and some of other law school buddies and their fiances--I mean, I must be the only dude without a fiance at the table or in the law school for that matter--drinking my beer, I notice what is becoming increasingly commonplace: OLD ASS WOMEN IN THE BAR WITH YOUNG ASS PEOPLE. I am not talking 28, 29, I am talking more like 35, 36. 37. I am not saying that if these women have "it," they are not allowed to flaunt "it" (whatever "it" is), but I am saying once you hit 25, years become dog years. Consider the following reactions I typically have (in my mind) when I get a response from a lady about her age:

25: "Okay, so you are just getting of grad school, huh?"

26: "How's the practice going?"

27: "So are you looking to buy a house?"

28: "You don't have a house, yet?"

29: "You aren't married? Still ain't got that house yet, huh?"

30: "Got a babysitter? Good."

31: "Um, you stay up pass 8?"

32: "Um, you stay up pass 5?"

33: "Damn, you must have had a hard time staying up...past 5."

34: "She got to have 8 kids."

35: "What is she doing here? What the f*ck I am I doing here?"

Now, let me first say that I've had my encounters with the older kind. I dated a lady who was 30 and we remain good friends. She's a freelance photographer and graduate student at OSU. When I first met her, I thought she was older, around 25 or 26. It wasn't until our first date I found out she graduated from undergrad during my sophomore of high school. But, she turned out to have a magnetic personality which ameliorated any questions I had on age. But as in most cases where there is a severe age disparity between lovers, she wanted a bit more than what I was willing to give. At the age of 30, she is looking for those things I joked about before: (A) House; (B) Kids; (C) Stability; and (D) Getting To Bed Around 8.

The second was 38 (now 39). We are actually neighbors and go out from time to time. Nothing serious at all, but we get those looks. She is noticeably older than I, but when she introduced herself to me while moving in, I thought she about 30. But, I guess after being a member of a dance troupe in Chicago and performing on Broadway, you would look miraculous at the age of 39 too. She is a Ph.D student at OSU writing her dissertation on the dance routines of Katherine Dunham. Anyway, she was not like the prior case--she is extremely free-spirited (I guess you would assume that given her background) and there's nothing serious between us. We go out get a drink and grab dinner from time to time. But, it's the looks and the suspicion that goes on that affects us when we are out in public. Many times, she's jokingly commented about the perception that she's robbing the cradle. We laugh about it. When it's us, it's funny.

BUT, when I am out with my friends in the bar or the club, I find it a bit worrisome. These older women are often at the bar, struggling to fit in, trying to talk to younger guys, going from table to table trying to find something in common with young ladies 10-15 years their junior. The essential finding is this: somewhere these older people were left behind by their generation--either they were never fully accepted or were never comfortable with getting older. However, while I think no one is afraid of getting older per se, I do think that people are afraid of growing old alone or without ever finding a niche. Truth be told, some of these older women do fit in with the younger crowd. However, for most, it is facially evident that they do not fit in, but rather, they are forcing themselves in.

These women are deserving of more. Question is, do they want it? I mean, after all, who wouldn't want a house?