The Uninvited Invited Guest...

Disclaimer: Gay people are cool. I am not a homophobe.

A couple of things I've noticed that are particular to my law school. One, including myself, there are about four straight single Black males at the law school (this is excluding my one engaged Black friend--regardless of my last post, this guy is really cool). Two, I am nothing special. What I mean by the latter is that I am a straight heterosexual Black male. To give an example of what I mean, consider the following narrative:

Friday, Jan. 4th, 8:17p:

I got to find some clean drawers. I am going out tonight. The next semester starts in three days, so I am going to have fun. I had my clothes already picked out, ironed, and ready to go. I was fresh and clean, had that 1930s Old Spice thing going on. TONIGHT WAS THE NIGHT. I was on the prowl. Smelling like a grandfather, with a fresh fit, not to mention the fact that I am in law school--I was going to get some new women friends tonight. The law school bit doesn't work all the time--I know. You don't have to remind me. But, I was feeling confident, I looked good, and I was going to put what game I had to use. My goal, four numbers.


8:48p:

The phone rings. Drawers on, I answered. "Hello, good night." (the Caribbean coming out).

My friend, "You ready?"

"Yeah, almost. Where are we meeting? The law school?"

Friend, "Yeah."

"Who is all going out tonight?"

"Me, you, R, A, D, M, T, J, and some other people."

"Word? It's going to be a large contingent of Black folk then. C is going too."

"Cool. Um..."

"What's up?"

"Yeah, I got to tell you this."

"What?"

"Well, we're going to D's place first."

"For what? D's my girl and all but I thought we were going straight to the Arena District?"

"Nope, we got an announcement."

"This ain't middle school...is there something going on?"

"Well, you T's friend Y?"

"Yeah, I know who that is. Why, what's up?"

"Well, he's coming out."

"Okay, so he's going with us tonight too? That's cool."

"That's not what I mean."

"Okay, what do you mean 'coming out'?"

"You know. Coming out."


9:01p:

I hang up the phone. "WHAT THE F*@K??!!"



9:38p, D's place:

I ain't gay. T, and I guess now, Y, the only gay dudes here. Everyone else is straight. Man, they got chicken, ribs, alcohol, cookies, snack cakes, and the like. Man, when they going to start having free food for me just off GP? Y, gets up. He gives some little speech. Sounds like an after-school special. Then, just like that, he's gay. I don't know what to think. Um, let me get some of this chicken and potato salad.

3:37a, White Castle:

I'm sober, I think. 3 phone numbers. She was alright. What happened tonight? Was it that serious?

-----------------------


Was it that serious? I had never experienced anything like before. I had just attended an actual coming out party. Well, I don't consider myself a homophobe, I was actually uncomfortable. I was not the exception. Every other single Black male (in total, 5 out of about 13 people total) there seemed to be caught off guard. Confused. This wasn't our celebration.

The bigger question for me was, what was the point? If Y was gay, he was gay and that was it. I appreciated the free food. You know I am always down for the free lunch. Was the ABC after-school speech needed? No. The pre-celebration? No. It was simple to me: Y has his own life, he can do what he wants. But my female friends had to go out of their way to let Y know that it was fine to be gay. Funny thing to me was that it was always okay and I am straight. The excessive celebration was what turned me off.

Which gets me here. First, in the law school, there has always been this push to make homosexuality mainstream. Of course, this is also the general push abroad. However, sitting in D's place, eating my beef rib, listening to Y's speech, I thought wasn't this whole coronation ceremony antithetical to homosexuality's pursuit of mainstream acceptance? It became readily apparent that Y was basking in the fact that he had the floor. The fact that he could tell the world that he was GAY. He was in fact, basking in the fact that he was different--that he was outside the mainstream. In his eyes, he was special.

To me, he wasn't. He was just a guy that liked guys. Before all this, when the group had previously got together, me and Y had talked football, predicted the college bowl game winners, burped and farted at inappropriate times, talked about women we (women that I wanted, I guess now) wanted--you know, man stuff. You know, if he had said informally that he was gay, I don't think I would have had much of a reaction. My reaction would have been: "Word?" Sip of the beer.

The point is this, if you want your sexuality to be mainstream, you have to act mainstream. That means doing what you feel without fear of repercussion. To be honest, everything is not going to readily accepted. For example, if Y talked to me about his men friends (i.e., sexual escapades), I'd tell him straight up that I didn't want to hear it. But, simply because I don't want to hear about his adventures does not make me a homophobe. It makes me normal. I don't tell everyone about my sexual relations with my women friends--well, I don't get too explicit, so why should he?

Believe it or not, with mainstream acceptance, comes an inherent set of restrictions. This is the TENSION--it's mainstream acceptance v. special status. The special status, comes with this supposed protection from criticism. Well, like I said, it supposed. I think the principled stand for Y would have been this: Let's go out and fun, by the way, I'm gay. It sounds relatively simple. I realize that it's not. But I felt Y's coronation ceremony was contrary to its purpose. Y simply forgot the increasing number of people, who say with sincerity that it's okay to be who you are. It's okay to be homosexual. In fact, believe it or not, I say it's normal.

Having said all this, it does not mean that one has to put aside their identity. What it does mean though is that you don't have to wear it on your sleeve. My experience is of particular relevance. I am a Black male in law school. It's a special status because there are so few of us. But, I think people look past it for the most part (exception: when we get the BIG firm jobs that the white folk wanted, but more on that later). But, it doesn't mean I don't get reminded from time to time or day to day. I feel the repercussions that result from my racial identity. It shapes my paradigm of the world. It's who I am and it's not going to change. I just don't wake up every morning with the intent of letting everyone know that I am a Black male in law school. In fact, I joke about it.

I don't think that many homosexuals wake up with the intent of telling the world each day who they are either. They probably just go about living without the need for special recognition. To them, it's normal.

Funny thing is, I feel the same way.


(Note: This has no bearing on the fact that I still strongly believe that sexual orientation should been included in anti-discrimination laws, that the Equal Protection and Due Process Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment should be read to prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation. It also has no bearing on my support that gay marriage should be allowed and adoption by gays should be protected).